By Nicole Grilo – ARFID & Eating Disorder Recovery Psychologist & Nutrition Specialist
More often than not, people link eating difficulties to body image or self-regulation. However, for others, particularly individuals with Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID), the problem is far more complex. It is not about diets or willpower. It is anxiety, fear, control, and an overly critical inner voice: the inner critic.
In my own practice, I’m seeing individuals experiencing ARFID anxiety around food, often confronted with overwhelming discomfort. Not just picky eating, but full-body shutdowns, dinner table panic, and years of shame because “just try it” never worked..
Let’s examine why: The Anxiety-Food Connection
ARFID anxiety around food often leads to real physical symptoms like gagging, panic, or complete food avoidance which are often misunderstood. ARFID is not about dieting, body image issues, or a lack of interest in food in general. It is a serious eating disorder where food itself is a cause of fear. People with ARFID are not refusing food because they are stubborn or picky. They are trying to manage real fear, discomfort, or sensory overload that most people simply do not experience while eating.
Unlike anorexia or bulimia, ARFID is not driven by concerns with body shape or weight. Instead, it’s tied to intense reactions to food texture, colour, temperature, smell, or past traumatic experiences like choking or vomiting. Some people with ARFID have very little appetite. Others eat plenty, but only a very restricted range of “safe” foods. The condition typically starts in childhood, but many adults have it for years without being diagnosed.
It can have drastic consequences, such as malnutrition, stunted growth in children, social isolation, and intense shame. Eating out, vacations, or even family meals can become overwhelming ordeals. What on the surface seems to be obstinacy is typically an individual’s means of staying regulated and not catastrophising.
It’s Not Just Behaviour: Your Nervous System Reacts
This is why ARFID requires additional awareness and comprehension. It is a genuine diagnosis that affects people of any age, and with proper support, recovery is achievable. When we can stop treating it as a behavioural issue and instead recognise that it is a complex interplay between anxiety, trauma, and the nervous system, then true healing can begin.
Anxiety is generally there when it’s time to eat and manifests in ways individuals don’t comprehend. For the individual with ARFID, it might be gagging to even attempt something novel, severe choking fear, or nausea when a new food is smelled.Behind these physical reactions is a cogitating loop:
“What if I swallow wrong?”
“What if I embarrass myself?”
“Why can’t I ever be normal?”
That is the inner critic at work. It overblows fear, cancels out progress, and has people stuck in avoidance. Starving for a deeper dive into ARFID signs and symptoms? Download my ARFID WORKBOOK to discover insights on how ti improve your relationship with good.
How the Inner Critic Fuels the Fear of Eating
That critical internal voice, telling you that you’re weak, dramatic, or failing, likely emerges early. It can be the result of family life, school culture, or the pain of being misunderstood for so long. Over time, it becomes an ever present background hum, dictating how you relate to food, your body, and yourself.
Some clients tell us: “I didn’t even realise I had this voice until we started talking about it.” The good news: recognising your inner critic is one of the first steps towards change.
Breaking the Cycle
There is no quick fix to the fear of eating. But there is a process. The process I share focuses on three levels:
1. Regulation of anxiety: Gaining the skill to soothe the nervous system, and food exposure is particularly important.
2. Rewriting internal dialogue: Meeting the voice of self-criticism with loving reality.
3. Creating new experiences: Learning to eat with safety, choice, and self-respect, not pressure.
It’s not a question of “trying harder.” It’s a question of building something new in the body and the mind. For more on this, you can learn from these ARFID recovery stories. You’re Not Alone, I’ve worked with clients of all ages and backgrounds, some who could only safely eat a handful of foods, some paralysed with fear by the idea of eating out. Most of them asked the same question: “Is anyone else like me?”
Yes. And with the right guidance and support, it does get better. Not right away, but little, consistent steps make a change.
Next Steps
If you are dealing with ARFID anxiety around food, you don’t have to go through this alone. Whether you’re personally struggling with ARFID, supporting someone who is, or navigating food phobia, there is help available.
I offer 1:1 consults designed to give you insight and a tailored next step.
You can also begin with my free ARFID Stage One Online Treatment Program, a gentle first step toward understanding and recovery.
Let’s talk. You’re not broken. You’re not alone. Let’s take the next step together.
